Have you heard these statements, “You never tell me I do a good job around here,”  “I have so many problems at home, I don’t need this from you or anyone else today,” or, “You, along with everyone else in this office, seem to have received a divine mandate to make my life a living hell”?

If you are regularly treated to acerbic language that singes the psyche and often flushes a good day into oblivion, read on.  I have six skills to equip your mind and emotions when you are pummeled with aggressive, in-your-face declaratory statements.

First, you can blow it off.  You have to ask yourself this question, “If I respond, what are the chances we will hear each other?”  “Hearing” is the best you can expect.  If the other person has been aggressive, you have about the same odds as Martha Stewart winning “Miss Congeniality” if you think you can argue this person into admitting he/she was inappropriate or wrong.

Second, you can respond with, “So, if I hear you correctly, you are saying….”  This is a non-defensive verbal skill repeating what you have just heard. This intervention opens the door for the other person to tell you more.  And, you want “more” right now.  Your paraphrase, followed by silence, will be a flashing green light to your aggressor he/she can spill out the “real issue.”

Third, try this response, “You are right in part of what you have said.  What in your statement do you know I will not agree?”

Look at the two-part strategy of this linguistic reply.  You started out by agreeing with “part” of what you heard.  Often your aggressive person will make statements that have some validity.  And, you have placed the responsibility on the other person to pinpoint your “line-in-the-sand.”  If you give the other person the right to express your position, the point of resistance is lessened for both of you.  Give it a try.

Fourth, lean forward and say, “I understand how strongly you feel about what is going on in our workplace.  I do not see myself the way you see me.”  In this fourth stage you will give a “yes” before you drop your definitive “no.”  Never agree to conclusions with which you do not agree.  You will probably recant at a later time and the other person will make a mental note about your vacillation. If you move your boundaries, the other person is expecting this behavior to become a habit.  Not a good message to send at this point in the conversation.

Fifth, when you hear an aggressive statement, ask in return, “What do you want from our conversation today?”  This question will cut out the “dance.”  The dance is a series of reciprocal verbal moves which usually ends with non-stop “one-upmanship.” 

Just refuse to dance.  The question above will quickly get everyone to the linguistic bottom line.   Don’t you really want to know, up front, what this person wants to accomplish?

Sixth, declare a “time out.”  If you know your neocortex is overwhelmed or underperforming today, say, “I will need time to think through my response to you.  I am asking we get back together tomorrow at this time.”

You are under no obligation to provide a Jiffy Lube response.  You do have an obligation to provide feedback, but the timing is up to you.

Count on it.  Someone will fire a poison-tipped set of words your way today.  And when those words penetrate your mind and/or heart, you will be left hurt and probably angry.  That scene is a “given.”  The only decision you have in the next few, angst-laden minutes is…your response.  You now have six options.

If aggression is answered with aggression, the only option is…war.

Words are cheap, but they get even cheaper by the dozen.

Mixing a little brain with a lot of gut is always an appetizing main menu.

 Are you selling anything?  If so, here is a book ripe with low-hanging sales fruit.

Secrets of Power Persuasion for Salespeople by Roger Dawson (ISBN:  1-56414-642-1) is a fast, practical read.

As in all books on sales, the “wow factor” is prevalent.  These are the chapters immersed in hype which do not do a lot for me.  But, there is enough value in this book for me to recommend it.

Specifically, the book is worth your investment for Chapter 9, “The Power of Consistency,” Chapter 11, “Selling to a Committee” and Chapter 22, “Eight Ways to Persuade an Angry Buyer.”  Dawson, through his persistent sales pitch, laces his work with practical, that-makes-sense suggestions that will have an impact on your sales bottom line this month.

I am convinced there are very few of us who are not selling something.  If you are selling and no one is buying, you may need this book.

New Free Article

People close to me are concerned I have some latent death-wish to pen my most recent article, “Skills to Work for a Passive Boss.”   We just do not talk about this issue in public.

At the same time, I am convinced passivity in management ranks is off the end of the charts.  If you are working with or for a passive leader, you may be interested in the five skill sets I recommend.  Passivity, by nature, generates frustration.  Frustration, over time, ends up grinding on through silent anger.  Does that sound like you?

To read and print out this article go to www.execenrichment.com and choose “Downloadable Resources” and then select “Articles.”  Please provide written approbation if you are using my writing in an organizational publication.

New Course:  The Skills to Write and Discuss the Annual Performance Review

For the past five years I have been offering a customized learning experience for my clients entitled, “The Skills to Write and Discuss the Annual Performance Review.”

Annual performance reviews are painful by nature.  There are very few of us who get up in the morning and scream at ourselves in the bathroom mirror, “I cannot wait any longer for my annual performance review…I will be asking my boss to move it up by three months because I am so excited to hear how I am performing this year.”

If you are convinced your organization’s system for evaluating staff is adequate but does not provide the skills to effectively use this annual tool, this course can make the annual performance review an asset and not a liability.  I have designed the course to be separately offered to both management and frontline staff.

Please respond with a “reply” to this LeMonAide if you want more information, a course outline or give me a call at 800-373-4040 after September 15 and I will further explain the design and delivery of this skill-based program.

As I travel, I hear this all the time, “I don’t like either candidate for president this year.  I’m thinking about staying home.”

For me, that comment places the speaker in the category with those who abuse animals, make a living by selling drugs to teenagers and regularly drive drunk. 

If you were to take a trip around the world and rub shoulders with the denizens of this globe, the supreme privilege and responsibility of democracy would explode between your ears.

For those of us thinking about not voting because we do not “like” party, platform or platitudes, I encourage you to interview a legal immigrant who has recently left the safety of a culture and extended family to build a new life in the United States.

I had a person who fit that description in one of my recent workshops.  Talk about a reality-check!

I live in Springfield, Missouri. For the past 38 years I have called this beautiful Ozark community my “home.”  I have no need or interest in leaving to start a new life.  But I found out, after talking with this new citizen, all the familiarity and safety could be negotiable stuff if I was not a free citizen.

Therefore, refusing to vote, in my opinion, is the most selfish, ego-centric obscene gesture in the entire world.  Those citizens who enjoy the benefits of the red, white and blue are the spoiled children of democracy ranting in some political corner to anyone who will listen, “No one is making me happy this year.”

Our democratic union is so far from perfect, it often makes me laugh and cry.  But, when a fellow citizen decides to be a no-show on Election Day, I just get angry.

For those of you who have been following my schedule (see below), you know I am in Russia and Scandinavia right now.  I will be gone for three weeks (a little work, lots of vacation) and I have one carry-on suitcase. That’s right, one 22 inch suitcase.

Here is the secret of my packing expertise:  Patagonia Capilene.  If you are not a hiker, fisherperson or rock climber you may not know this company or product.

Patagonia is a significant vendor for outdoor clothing and equipment.  They have a clothing line, Capilene baselayers, that provides underwear and shirts which can be hand-washed and hung out to dry in a matter of minutes.

I pack for three weeks in one rollerboard suitcase because I will daily wash out a few “unmentionables” and then hang them up in a bathroom only to return later in the afternoon and fold totally clean, dry clothes for the next day.

Travel fast and travel light! 

If you would like to personally meet with me during the remainder of August or the month of September, here is my schedule.  Please call 800-373-4040 to set up an appointment.

This punctuation mark is becoming epidemic.  Unfortunately, it is often the wrong choice.

Yes, I am talking about the—dash. 

In my writing programs I find the dash is a convenient punctuation mark when the writer does not know if he/she should use a comma, a semicolon or a colon. When I am editing with my red pen, I can just hear the internal conversation in the writer’s brain, “Let’s see, I don’t know what punctuation mark to use…so let’s throw in a dash.”

The predominant use of a dash is to illustrate “an abrupt break in thought.”  “We are the best source for all your writing needs—and the cheapest.”  “Many people would rather submit to a root canal than think—and usually choose the root canal.”

Notice, the dash is a neon sign an additional, or secondary thought came to the writer in the process of penning a complete thought.

The dash can also be used to show hesitation, “The work on the project was begun—oh, I should say—well, about October 1—certainly not before November 1.”

Also, a dash should never end a sentence—.  (Yes, it should be just the period.)

If you want more information on this misused punctuation mark, please consult page 56 in The Gregg Reference Manual (Tenth Edition).

I walked into the large sitting room talking on my cell phone.  Someone who was sitting in the same airport lounge looked askance at me and then pointed to the sign, “Please, no cell phone use in this room.”

If you are as offended as I am with cell phone conversations in public places that measure 2,000 decibels with no consideration for others, look around.  Some environments are starting to restrict usage.

I got the message.  And, you can get all your cell phone messages…if you are in the right place.

The written prayers in this section are Cal’s divine conversations reflecting the needs others have shared with him.

The bunting, banners and banality all offend me, Lord.  And, I need a little help here.  The frenetic followers flowed across the convention floor flaunting their favorites.  Television, radio and Internet glitterati glided between the greased guests…with their live insincerity.

The platitudes and promises were punctilious and plenteous but, truth couldn’t find its name tag.

And, I need some serious help, Lord.

I do not know what to believe, God, because they tell me they know You and talked with You today.  The platform speakers have been dropping “God-this, and God-that” like crumbs leading back to their message.

I need immediate help, Lord.

I want to make the right decision, but if all the candidates tell me You are voting for them…I need help.

I need some serious direction from You because I don’t know what box to check.

Help!

I’m still not hearing anything from above.

Yes, I am hearing a still, small voice within.

Oh, I got it.