For the ninth time in the last eleven years, I have had the good fortune to be on the speaker’s list for the Society of Human Resource Management Annual Conference.  This year the conclave was held in New Orleans.  I presented two programs, “Strategic Thinking Skills for HR Professionals” and “Skills for an HR Professional When Working with a Passive Boss.”  If you are interested in getting more information on either program, please hit “reply” and let me know how I can help you and/or your organization with either of these issues.  SHRM state and local chapters have been part of my valued client list for the past 20 years.

They are rude, insulting, demeaning and…your boss.  If you believe you do not have any “power” in this relationship, what do you do?

First, let me assure you, this segment of LeMonAide will not cost you your job!  Stay with me for a few minutes and see if there are strategies here which you can use and…remain employed.

Before you say or do anything you have to ask yourself, “Is my boss insolent with just me or is this the way he/she works with everyone in our workplace?”  If the answer is “yes” because he is insolent with everyone, your choices are limited.  This manager has crafted a “persona” which is intended to intimidate.  Honestly, I do not believe any person, regardless of title, has the political leverage to rehabilitate this boss.

The only option for the chronically dysfunctional boss is to encourage your organization to institute a “360 annual performance review.”  If this manager is inappropriate with everyone, this trait will bleed through this annual evaluation process.  Unless this boss is being protected by people above him/her, the “360” should get the attention of Human Resources or other executive leadership.

Let’s go back to my question in paragraph three.  If the answer is, “No, this person has targeted me and I do not understand why,” then it is time to close the door and confront your boss.

Here is a sequential set of four steps you can take.

First, keep written records that include actual verbiage, setting and date.  This is just for your own use.  Memorize this information and make an appointment with your boss.

Second, open the appointment with this question, “I sense you are displeased with me, my work or both.  Am I correct or incorrect in my assumption?”

Now, watch where this is going.  If the person is passive-aggressive (will never talk about the real issue but will, instead, choose to insult and intimidate), denial will follow.  You probably will hear, “I have no idea what you are talking about…have you been reading some article in Oprah?”

Third, be specific.  Start off with this statement, “Let me go over our working relationship in the past two weeks to substantiate my assumption.”  Follow with a detailed, from memory, litany of the inappropriate, insulting words you have endured.  The reason I recommend this history be reviewed from memory is if you pull out four sheets of single-spaced accounts, your boss will, undoubtedly, become belligerent.  These visual pages would create a “don’t-back-me-into-a-corner” response.

Fourth, as you click off factual information and language you have experienced in the past, stop after about two or three items on your mental list.  Look at the person and say, “I need to hear what you are thinking right now.”  

Allow your boss to say, “I do not know how to respond,” or “Can I have some time to think this all out…this information is overwhelming right now.”  If you genuinely want to change behavior and attitudes between you and your boss, you will have to give this person time to emotionally wade through the history.

The bottom line of this LeMonAide article is nothing will change in the victimization you have experienced unless you structure some intervention.  Your worst choice is to say nothing, keep your job, pay your car loan and…turn into a quietly seething, angry person.  Is your silence worth the paycheck?  Only you can make that choice.  

If you want more help with this difficult situation, you may want to read the short description of my latest CD training program (in this month’s LeMonAide under LeMonJuice) “The Skills to Say What You Want to Say.”

I dusted off my bookshelf to rediscover this valuable book.  Pick up a copy of Managing for the Future by Peter Drucker (ISBN: 0-88730-620-9).

Even though the published date was 1993, you will find an insightful and thoroughly researched treatise about the place of leadership in a morphing, and often scary, workplace.  I forgot Drucker’s genius until I reread Chapter Two, “The Society of Organizations.”  This reads like the instruction manual on how to use Facebook or Twitter.  Drucker has always dusted off the crystal ball before any of his contemporaries.

Peter Drucker is also the author of Innovation and Entrepreneurship and Managing for Results.  Drucker will always be one of the best additions to any workplace library.  His scholarship and musing are worth the space on your shelf and…make sure you dust them off every few years to rediscover timeless leadership skills.

New Article for Free Download

“Winning the Race to the Future” is my latest contribution to your personal education or organizational newsletter.  I wrote this article in response to the warp speed with which we are all hurling into the future.  Below is an excerpt from the opening paragraphs.

I found my old “bag phone” a few weeks ago and started to hysterically, from the gut, laugh.  While rolling around on the floor in my living room sputtering with glee, I recalled how I lugged this wireless behemoth down the aisles of our local grocery store.

You will find in this article four suggestions on how to be the “creator” and not the “victim” of our inevitable future which is increasingly dictated by technology.  To obtain a copy of the article, go to my website at www.execenrichment.com and choose the Downloadable Resources option.  You’ll see a list of current articles available.

CD Training Program—“The Skills to Say What You Want to Say”

Throughout my coaching interventions with a frustrated staff person I have repeatedly asked the question, “Why don’t you just say at work what you just told me?”  In response I heard, “I could never say that!”  

If you have trouble framing words that accurately represent your thoughts and feelings, this 50-minute CD will offer you three risk-free verbal paradigms for lacing your words together when you don’t think you have the right to express yourself.

There is a new feature in this CD which I will be using in all future productions.  I will illustrate the skills I present by taking you into a “virtual workplace scenario” using professional actors and workplace sound effects.  When listening we all learn more if we can visualize.  The intriguing voices and “background noise” of a real work environment will create images which, in turn, will enhance your learning.

To purchase this CD, please go to my website at www.execenrichment.com and choose the Our Products option.  You’ll see a list of CDs currently available.

You knew this was coming!

Here is the accepted practice when you eat with a colleague or client in a fine dining experience.  Yes, let’s talk utensils.

The knife and spoon will be on your right.  If there is “sorbet” to cleanse your palette between the salad or appetizer and the main course, you will find a small spoon on the plate that holds the sorbet cup.

On the left you will find the forks.  Work from the outside in toward your plate.  If there is a salad, there will be a slightly smaller fork on the outside left.  Use that fork first.

If you have ordered a meat dish which requires a serrated knife, this dangerous (watch children if they are at your table!) instrument will be laid horizontally at the top of your dinner plate.

A dessert fork will normally be placed on the left side of your place setting just before this sweet thing arrives.

Yes, I know, you could eat this entire meal with just your hands but let’s think about the message that would send to your clients/colleagues!  And, if you are stumped, just ask the waiter/waitress what you should use next or slow down and watch how the others at your table are navigating the silverware.

Ever had a great idea?  Even though your IQ gives you an open invitation to join the local Mensa chapter, you just cannot catch a wisp of your fleeting genius.

To save time and make sure I never lose an idea or an improvement to my productivity, I always have three things close by at all times.

First, I am obligated to keep a cell phone on my person (with the exception of the shower) all the times.  On my phone I have an option to record a short message which I can resurrect whenever I choose.  Pull out the instruction booklet for your cell phone.  You may be surprised what you can do with this piece of plastic.

Second, I carry in my briefcase (an acceptable option for men who are not comfortable with a purse) a micro-cassette recorder.  This small device, about the same size as a cell phone, can be retrieved and whispered into at a meeting, in a car or next to the sink in the morning (where I get most of my best ideas).

Third, I have grandchildren.  You can tell one of these emerging adults something and they will remember it…when you want them to forget.  Grab a small kid, look this child straight in the eye and say, “Do not forget what I am about to tell you…help me,” and you have just locked this idea or to-do item in the strongest, most reliable vault on the globe.

Use your time wisely today…you will never get an opportunity to rewind the ten minutes it took you to read this edition of LeMonAide.

The next time you make a hotel reservation ask for the following:  (1) a room with no adjoining door to the next room (the noise factor from the next room significantly goes up when there is a door between the two rooms), (2) a room with a view (be careful about hotels which offer you a “courtyard view” which just means you will be looking right into another person’s bedroom), (3) a room which is not located near an elevator or ice machine/soft drink dispenser (do you really want to hear the banter of eight year olds who have been sent to get some ice and drinks?), and (4) a room at the very end of the hallway on the top floor (this location is the “primo” square footage in a hotel because you cut out the potential for noise on one side and you will not be able to hear guests above you thumping from the bed to the bathroom.)

Now, if you can get a reservation agent to meet these criteria, write down this person’s name because the next time you visit this property you will want a “friend” who has been down this road with you in the past.  And, yes, I ask for all of this every time I make a hotel reservation!

I have an audio message for you that you will want to use in the next few months.  It is entitled, “Improving Your Annual Performance Review Process.”

This MP3 file is for someone who does have an impact on how the annual performance review process is designed, distributed and used.  You will discover I am very critical of how I see this evaluation tool abused in most work environments.  Most of the people in your workplace do not get unnaturally giddy about the prospect of filling out forms and having eyeball-to-eyeball conversations about “how I am doing at work this year.”

I will give you seven, sequential ideas on how to improve the dissemination of an accountability instrument and also how to make the annual performance review one of the best ways to grow your organization.  My presentation is a short 11 minutes but may give you a lifetime of benefit.

To listen to the MP3 file, go to my website at www.execenrichment.com and choose the Downloadable Resources option.  You’ll see an option for Podcast files and you can then access the information.

It is called “gravity.”  No, not the kind that keeps you anchored to the floor right now.  In ethical sales there is something called the “gravity of selling.”  Here is the way it works.

If you want to establish long-term clients you need a long-term selling process.  The ultimate goal is to create a gravitational pull for your product(s) and/or services.  

“Gravity” begins with the initial contact (in person, web presence, telephone, fax machine, reference from third party, e-mail, etc.).  The problem is we often go back to the same “well” and make the next contact using exactly the same medium (i.e. just more e-mail bursts or just more telephone calls).  

You will have a much better chance of actually making a sale if the potential client sees and hears from you or about you from a variety of sources.

To illustrate, consider this constellation of contacts:  (1) A friend or colleague tells you about someone who may be interested in your product.  (2) You call this person for a quick introduction and review of how you can add value to this would-be client.  (3)  You follow up with a personal, hand-written note which includes your card.  (4)  If no response, you make a copy of an article from a periodical which you know would interest this person. (5)  As you think about the silence you are hearing from this potential client, you begin to realize you have contacts with other people who know this person.  You call one or more of these people and ask, “How could I be helpful to (potential client’s name)?”  (6)  The local weekly business newspaper in your area has a segment for “Guest Columnists” so you decide to write a 500 word article about information you know would appeal to this targeted client.

Do you notice I am framing a potpourri of contacts;  I am creating “gravity” which has a very good chance to funnel this person back to me and my products.  Ask yourself this question today, “What organization do I want as a long-term client and how can I immediately create a “gravity of information” which will lead this person to my office?”

Of all the writing skills I have shared in this segment of LeMonAide, e-mail gets the most mail.  Since most of us are slaves to our laptops and cell phones (which offer instantaneous e-mail access), I offer the following e-mail writing principles.

First, keep your message as short as possible.  An e-mail message should not exceed one screen (computer) in length.  If there is additional supporting information it should be an “attachment” for the reader to volitionally download.  Most research suggests multi-screen e-mails are printed for later reading, ignored or deleted.

Second, sentences should be short (7 to 15 words) and arranged in single-spaced paragraphs with no indentation.

Third, each e-mail should be focused on just one subject.  If the reader is being buried in a variety of content, the immediacy of using e-mail to get an immediate response is lost.

Fourth, if the e-mail does have to include specific responses to specific information, highlight the action items in bold type.  Be careful about overusing this visual option for emphasis.

Fifth, watch the “tone” of an e-mail message.  E-mail has the potential to be an excellent excuse for passive-aggressive messages.  We all have learned to “read between the lines” and can easily hear the emotion as well as the data.  You may want to have another person, whose independent voice you value, read the e-mail before you send it out.  Be careful about making e-mail a passive way to give aggressive messages.

Finally, do not write anything in an e-mail you would not want someone other than the intended recipient to read.  Think of all the positions, prestige and promotions that have been lost because someone read an electronic message that somehow drifted onto the wrong computer screen!