Sometimes I call it, “potty mouth.”

How do you respond when a colleague, customer or your boss uses profanity?

I need to say right up front, profanity is not a problem if you are O.K. absorbing these words.  On the other hand, profanity is an important interpersonal issue if the language is a violation of your belief system.  And, an intentional refusal to honor another person’s belief system is the genesis of all conflict.

For our purposes, I am assuming, because of your moral sensitivities, the use of some well-chosen profane words is going to be a challenge.  What do you say and do when someone in your workplace turns the air blue?

Regardless of the positional title of the person who is offending your moral code, I suggest you take an assertive stance.

First, make sure you are in emotional control.  If you start shouting, “Just what gutter have your lips been licking today?”, be prepared for resistance and emotional “pay-back.”  If you thought you had heard the extent of this person’s vocabulary, get ready to expand your profanity dictionary.

Second, under total control and with a strong voice say, “Excuse me, I need your help.  I want to continue our conversation and I am morally offended by the choice of words right now.  Can I expect you will accommodate my request?”

Third, if the other person says, “What about my language offends you?” you must be specific by repeating the words that make you wince.  This is not easy but necessary.  It is only fair to the other person to provide accurate feedback.

Finally, assuming the person does start to vacuum his/her speech, thank this individual at the end of the conversation.  It should be just a quick, “By the way, thank you for your respect in our conversation today.”  

Of course, there is another choice.  You can always zip your lip and…when the person is gone become angry with yourself because you failed to represent your belief system.

The person who controls the language is the person who controls the relationship.

Salty language is often tasteless.

Profanity is often a lazy mind with an over-active mouth.

There are pages of nouns, verbs and direct (and indirect) objects that will change your life.  I hesitated reading this book because I did not want my emotions to jerk me around.  But, I could not help myself.

You probably have heard about or seen this author on television.  He has sifted life down to its lowest common denominator.  You see, he only has weeks to live because he is dying of pancreatic cancer.

The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch (ISBN: 978-1-4013-2325-7) is worth your life, not just your time.  Randy Pausch, Ph.D., is a full professor at Carnegie Mellon University who came home one day after teaching his courses in computer animation and complained to his wife about lower abdominal pain.  After extraordinary medical efforts, Randy has exhausted all his options…so he is saying goodbye.

As of this date, Randy is still alive and spending quiet time laughing, remembering and holding close his three small children, his wife Jai and a select group of friends and relatives.

If you are open to taking a peek at the end of your life so you know how to use up today, read this book.

New Free Article

I find it easy to write about life experiences I have tasted.  So, if you are an over-achiever and constantly complain about what other people and circumstances contrive to ruin your best dreams, you may want to read my latest free article, Stopping Self-Sabotage.

You will discover in my words four interventions you can take to permanently end the behaviors and attitudes that keep screaming, “You cannot have what you want.”  I am convinced it is time for some of us to stop being our worst enemy.

This is a great article to reproduce in your organization’s newsletter.

To obtain a copy of the article, please go to www.execenrichment.com and choose the DOWNLOADABLE RESOURCES option.  After filling out a brief form, you’ll be led to a list of articles available.  Should you use this article in a publication, I ask you give me credit for the piece and that you send me a copy of the finished product.

Loving for the Long Run (Nine Defining Characteristics of an Enduring Marriage

My wife, Kathy, a licensed clinical psychologist, and I wrote a book two years ago about why we are still together after 40 years.  As we approached this milestone in our relationship we laughed and asked the question, “How did we make it this far?”

We started to talk to other married couples who have gone “the long run” and asked the same question.  We received varied answers but they started to fall into nine categories.

If you want to share in our research and our personal journey, you can order this book through my website (www.execenrichment.com) and choose the OUR PRODUCTS option.  This book makes a great gift idea for newlyweds.

Since we probably have met in one of my public presentations, you know my commitment to succeed through “resonant” relationships.

One of the best illustrations of a resonant person whose untimely death has dominated the national news for the past week is Tim Russert.

In my opinion, Tim Russert was the ultimate expression of the resonant assertive adult.  I never personally met Mr. Russert but when I heard the news of his untimely death I sat stunned.  I did not weep; I just stared and grew sad.

I felt a deep emotional loss that seemed to have no bottom.  Here was a man I had only known over the last 25 years as a series of electronic pixels.  And, yet, I mourned.

Tim Russert enters my scrapbook of powerful people right next to Pope John Paul II, Barbara Jordan, the Dalai Lama, Governor Anne Richards and General Colin Powell. These people, in my estimation, are “authentic” human beings who could disagree with you without trying to destroy you in the process.

It is amazing we are able to emotionally “pick up” on the characteristics of outstanding people who were genuinely respectful on the road to accomplishing their dreams.  

I recently had a conversation with the CEO of an organization who questioned my suggestion that he was not “connecting” with this staff and seemed to be comfortable with that status.  He said, “What difference does it make if I connect with anyone…I sign their checks, don’t I?”

You can sign someone’s check like Donald Trump, have an IQ that would make Einstein look like a flunkie and even know how to get an invitation to the Hamptons like Oprah…but no one will remember you unless you are…like Tim Russert.

Sundays will never be the same.

If you would like to “leverage” this sick economy, here is a way to take a trip in style.

Sign up for a cruise right now.  Reserve an inside cabin (sans a window) and mentally plan on spending your non-waking hours in the dark.  Then get ready for the surprise.

Cruise lines are presently experiencing higher than normal “cancellation” rates because of the downturn in the economy.  Let your travel agent (or the cruise line) know of your willingness to “upgrade” for a realistic increase in fare.  And, listen for your phone to ring.

If you would like to personally meet with me during the remainder of June or the month of July, here is my schedule.  Please call 800-373-4040 to set up an appointment.

How many e-mails do you write in a day?  50?  100?  200?

To make this amazing communication tool comfortable and productive, here are seven, practical suggestions.

First, work on precision in the subject line.  You will open, erase or save an e-mail based on the few words in this electronic box.  Always include your name and date.  If you need “urgent” use it but do so sparingly or you will join the ranks of the “Chicken Little E-mailers.”

Second, be careful about downgrading the importance of your message with “cute” artwork and verbiage.  “Dancing Happy Faces” next to your salutation or after the last paragraph can demean professionalism. I further recommend, “Hi,” “Howdy” and “Hey” should not be the first words your reader sees.

Third, the purpose (bottom line) of the e-mail should be in your first paragraph.  This is not a novel or TV script where you keep your reader/viewer panting for the last few words.  An e-mail is business correspondence.  If you want attention and something to get done quickly (the essence of an e-mail) tell your reader, up front, what you want him to do or think about differently.

Fourth, if you want to find the content of a past e-mail, file it on your computer according to date.  Most of us can remember the approximate date of when we wrote or received an e-mail.  The subject of an e-mail can often be a confusing way to track it down.

Fifth, when you receive an “angry” (we can all read between these lines) e-mail, NEVER respond with an e-mail.  Have you noticed some colleagues will emotionally “unload” in an e-mail but would never say the same words face-to-face?  E-mail communication can become the height of passive-aggressive behavior if you indulge in “giving back” what you just “received.”  When you get an emotionally-charged e-mail, call the person or physically get together and begin with, “I noticed in your e-mail that you are upset about….”  

Sixth, keep your e-mail to one screen.  When we receive multi-screen e-mails we print them for future reading, “skim” the content or just hit “delete.”  When you keep the e-mail to one screen, and have supporting data, draw the attention of your reader to the “attachment.”

Finally, I strongly recommend you never use “blind copy.”  Even though your software program gives you this option, the intent is to “go behind” someone’s back.  If I find out you have used a “blind copy” to make sure I did not know what you communicated, I am feeling betrayed.  Betrayal always alienates.

After reviewing my seven points, I am still convinced e-mail is something just shy of a divine gift to keep all of us informed and motivated. 

Be careful about using first names in a first meeting.

I was making a two-hour presentation to a group of about 12 governmental officials.  As many of you know, I am at the main entry to the presentation room introducing myself to the participants.

After everyone, except one person, was in the room, I got started.  About three minutes into the presentation a woman walked in and I stopped to introduce myself, “Hi, I am Cal LeMon,” and she responded, “Nice to meet you, I am Mrs. Smith.”

I responded (notice everyone is listening to this interchange) “…and your first name is…?”  She said, “My name is Mrs. Smith.”

Dead silence.  I said, “Mrs. Smith, I am so pleased to meet you and we will now continue our learning together.”

Everyone has the right to ask for whatever appellation he/she wants, especially in a first meeting.  My mistake was, “…and your first name is…?”  

Maybe my real-life mistake will never be your first.

The written prayers in this section are Cal’s divine conversations reflecting the needs others have shared with him.

Father’s Day was and always has been a bummer, Lord.

The cards and sappy stories about building tree houses with your dad always irritated me.

I and my siblings got short-sheeted on the whole dad-thing.  Dad didn’t give a rip about any of us and when he “paid his family dues,” he just took off.

He shows up every once in a while to remind us we never gave him respect.  And, God, he is right.  He gets no respect from me.  He was and is MIA.

So, this whole “Our Father, who art in heaven…” is difficult to say…and especially pray.

And, as I think about it, You took off, too.  Oh, I guess if You took off, I wouldn’t be having…this conversation.