From: Execenrichment@aol.com

Sent: Thursday, December 10, 2009 1:17 PM

To: Justin Voelkel

Subject: 0209 LeMonAide

Categories: done

Welcome to the "new look" of LeMonAide.  Those of you who are subscribers to this online journal, will find new features and new layout below.  I trust the new segments of LeMonAide will continue to add value to your personal and professional life.  Thank you for your support of my writing and work.

The silence is roaring. The two of you made loud, angry comments about each other, in front of coworkers, and parted with just the howling silence filling the wake of that searing scene.

What do you do? “Nothing,” you continuously tell yourself because “he/she had it coming.” You have braced your backbone with resolve and, “it will be a cold, cloudy day in Hades” before you initiate a conversation.

After all, the first person who speaks…loses.

So the mute drama goes on…and on…and….

If you have been caught in the maelstrom of malevolence, you know the “stuckness” of this moment. You cannot break ranks with your self-image screaming for justice. You will just go on with your work and hope time will back-fill the yawning chasm of the toxic stew boiling between the two of you.

Can you see how both of these angry, “I-have-no-choices” people are actually emasculating themselves? The “loser” in this all-too-familiar scenario is both of them! In their private attempts to even the score, the score is both of them have become emotional zeros.

I know it is easy for me to say that because you do not hate my intestines. At the same time, it may take a non-aligned person to suggest you are repeatedly punching yourself in your bruised ego.

Let’s start over.

It is O.K. to have “words,” disengage the tongue from the brain and even fantasize about physically removing limbs, but those grim thoughts should last for seconds, not years.

If you are incarcerated in your unmet need for revenge, here are three steps you can take to break out of your self-imposed prison.

First, there is no need to talk with the offending person if you have let the past go and the two of you are functioning normally. You know, we all have stupid seconds!

Second, if you are preoccupied with pay-back thoughts, you have to ask for a few minutes of the person’s time in a private place. Assuming you meet, just a few well thought-out sentences will be enough to get this monkey off your back. Your words could sound like this.

“I said things about you in a public setting that I regret. I am eager to have that scene behind us and you can expect I will be working on this. I am asking you to join me in letting go of our mutual need to hurt the other person.”

That’s it. There was regret, renewal and the potential of reunion.

Ah, yes, I can hear you, “What if the other person says, 'Excuse me, but you don’t get off that easy…I want at least a pound of your flesh…'?”

Then you go to the number three point. Do not say another word and walk away. Avoidance may be the best option for the foreseeable future. You were honest and appropriate; the next move is up to the other person. You cannot take responsibility for him/her, just yourself.

We use ga-gillions of them every day, but is anyone listening?

Words are the symbols of our thoughts and feelings but they often are dispensed in torrents and not many of them “stick.”

I have a fascinating book to recommend this month. If you want to craft your words so when they spill from your mouth they “matter” to the other person, pick up Made to Stick (Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die) by Chip Heath. (ISBN: 13:978-1-4000-6428-1).

Think about these words: Jaws, “It’s the economy stupid,” Palm Pilot, Ferrari, Darth Vader toothbrush, Bollywood, “Where’s the beef?” Do you remember these words and maybe where you were when you first heard them?

Heath has written a captivating treatise on the power of words and how we can make better use of them. This book will cause you to pause, strategize and then “play” with words as the most powerful medium to influence those around you. This is the kind of book that you continue to pull off a shelf and spend a few minutes with the rest of your life.

When you run into someone today who reminds you of either the “Wicked Witch of the West” or Hannibal Lecter, you may be interested in a 60 minute DVD I recorded in front of a studio audience, “Dancing with Difficult People.”

This is a valuable tool for customer service training, leadership retreats or personal education. I lead the viewer through three reasons why there are difficult people in our work environments and then provide practical verbal and emotional skills to absorb the negative energy and start leading in this “dance” between the two of you.

To order a copy of the DVD, go to www.execenrichment.com and choose the Our Products option. You’ll see this product listed, along with others available on the website.

You have your list, I have mine. Between our ears we have constructed a litany of appearance mistakes in the workplace. These visual cues scream “unprofessional.” I have gathered opinions from a variety of sources and below you will find the ten worst appearance mistakes we can make in a professional work environment.

1. Chewing gum that results in blowing bubbles or “cracking” sounds
2. Picking teeth with a toothpick
3. Cleaning ears with a trunk key
4. Rooting around in nasal passages with an index finger
5. Whistling (even if it is a happy tune)
6. Clothes that reveal too much when bending over
7. Sequin-studded T-shirts
8. Bare midriffs
9. Shirts with offensive messages or graphics
10. Spandex anything

So, do you have a “to do” list and how many do you have going at any one time?

Multiple “to do” lists are the security blanket of a closet perfectionist. This person will assume, “If it is on a list somewhere, I will get it done.” Wrong!

We assuage ourselves we are in control of our time by occasionally emptying our pockets and purses of these little bits of paper and napkins inscribed with a myriad of disconnected items we have to accomplish. Unfortunately, our washing machines become the depository of these gummy bits of prioritization.

I have another idea.

Choose one method of collecting the “have to get done” items in your life. It could be your cell phone with a “memo” feature, an iPod or a time management planner on your laptop.

Here is what I use. I keep only one “to do" list and it resides in a small leather-bound notebook with me all the time. I can keep this notebook in my briefcase, in a pocket or on my desk.

The problem with “to do” items is your mind will pop them up at the most inopportune times in your day. If my notebook is not handy I will record the “must do” item to myself as a voicemail on my cell phone. When I can get to my notebook, I will listen to that voicemail and write it down.

I only keep a "to do" list for one week. During the weekend I will review all the items I have accomplished, add new ones and get started all over again.

Oh, one more thing. If you use my notebook idea, file the past pages of completed tasks for future reference. You cannot believe the number of times you will consult this record.

Here are some little-known facts about air travel that can make your next trip into the sometimes “unfriendly” skies more enjoyable.

First, remember “Tuesday.” If you want to travel on a day when the planes have the least number of passengers, it is Tuesday.

Second, pack your own snack. With the exception of Southwest Airlines, snacks, anything you can chew, will cost you money. I suggest making your own trail mix or carrying a prepackaged health bar.

Third, never put anything that matters to you in the seat pocket in front of you. I guarantee you will forget it in the pandemonium of exiting the plane.

Fourth, put gloves, hats and scarves in your carry-on luggage. Those are the kinds of small clothing items often left in overhead bins. After all, you should not need them at 35,000 feet.

Fifth, if you can choose a seat right in front of the exit row, take it. I know your seat will not recline but you also will not have someone’s knees pounding your back throughout the flight.

Sixth, use the option of printing your boarding pass at home. It saves so much hassle at the airport. And, never go through security without checking to see if your flight has been cancelled. You want to be where you can get to an airline counter for rebooking.

Seventh, if there is room on a “regional jet,” and you have a window seat, do not hesitate to say to the person next to you on the aisle, “If you could let me out, I want to take one of the empty seats to give both of us more room.” As soon as the door is closed, search out and claim a seat with no one next to you. I do it all the time.

This is the inaugural offering of MP3 files in LeMonAide. The 12-minute file you will find this month is entitled, “The Good News in All the Bad News.” I will provide five reasons why, when we are up to our ears in daily diatribes about our present economic woes, there is good news.

To listen to the podcast, go to www.execenrichment.com and choose the Downloadable Resources option. After filling out a brief form, you’ll be led to the screen where you can choose the Podcast option.

If you are selling something (and who isn’t?) here are some foundational assumptions you must embrace in order to be a success.

First, do you believe in your product? If not, do not even make the first call. The customer will quickly pick up whether or not you are convinced there is value in what you are recommending.

Second, be prepared for objections from the potential buyer. Remember, this person has the right to ask any questions to decide if his/her money will produce a reward. Objections are not the bane of your selling career. Objections, answered honestly, are the grease for trust.

Third, you must temper your zeal with pragmatism. Somewhere in this conversation with the would-be buyer you have to decide if this person actually needs what you are selling. Your excitement over the potential sale cannot smudge your self-respect.

Finally, you have to dump some prospects who have been giving a clear message they are not interested. Continuing to bang on a locked door is inherently dehumanizing…of you.

Date

Location

February 4-5, 2009

Reno, Nevada

February 6, 2009

Madison, Alabama

February 17-18, 2009

Springfield, Missouri

February 19, 2009

Houston, Texas

February 24-25, 2009

Springfield, Missouri

February 27, 2009

Madison, Alabama

March 2-3, 2009

Kearney, Nebraska

March 6, 2009

Liberty, Missouri

March 11, 2009

Sedalia, Missouri

March 12-13, 2009

Houston, Texas

When I edit writing samples in a two day business writing course I have designed, Right Writing, I continually run into Latin words and phrases misused in the context of the sentence. To right this composition wrong, below you will find popular Latin terms with a clear definition of each. You may want to cut and print this section of LeMonAide to post for easy reference.

ad hoc: for this special purpose, improvised

ad lib: impromptu, shortened, to fill up time

bona fide: in good faith, genuine

e.g. (exempli gratia): for example, such as

etc. (et cetera): and so on

i.e. (id est): that is

inter alia: among other things, as well as

NB (nota bene): please note, this is important

per: each, a

prima facie: at first sight

pro rata: in proportion

pro tem: for the time being

quid pro quo: equivalent, give or take

status quo: existing condition, state of things

vice versa: the other way round

via: by way of, through

viz (videlicet): that is to say, namely

vis-à-vis: in relation to

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