You know you were wrong! 

You should not have said nor done that “something” and now it is time to “own up.”

The question is, “What are the words and emotions you should broadcast knowing you have really messed up in your workplace?”  From my experience, your worst choice is to play CYA.

Here are four popular scenarios that require an honest answer from you.  I will provide specific verbiage to help you in the future.

#1—You know you were wrong.

This is tough because there is nowhere to hide.  Why not bite the bullet and just respond, “As I think about it, you are right, I do need to work on this.  Thanks for helping me.”

Please notice CYA will not work here and a denial will only invigorate the other person to keep pressing his assertion that you were wrong.  Get it over as quickly as possible with a clean admission.  Also, end this confession with “thanks” to the other person for being honest with you.  This final comment will keep the channels of communication open in the future.

#2—The criticism of you is too vague.

Instead of saying what comes natural (“Who made you the newest member of the Trinity to make a comment like that!”) try, “In order for this conversation to be helpful to me I need to know specifically how I can improve this situation.”

When you make this statement you commit yourself to be part of the solution once you get more information.  Yours is a reasonable request.

#3—The criticism is a personal attack.

This situation is particularly difficult.  The other person has “gone over the line” and you have been demeaned.  Your knee-jerk response is to give back what you just received.  That reply will go nowhere to ultimately improve your working relationship with this person.

How about this, “Your comments sounded personal, not professional, to me.  Have I read that correctly?”  You are representing yourself and it is now time to appropriately “take off the gloves.”  Make sure you do not recant using the word “personal.”  You will have to defend this choice of words with specific detail. 

And, do not hesitate to say at the conclusion, “I have represented myself honestly with you.  In the future I am asking those comments be removed from our interactions with each other.”

#4—You did make an error, but you do not know how to fix it.

Begin by agreeing with the other person like this, “I agree I did not do this job well…and I’m looking for specific help from you to make sure this situation does not repeat itself.”

Be prepared for the other person to be speechless.  Your words will leave this person with no platform to keep grinding the guilt into your head and heart.

These four linguistic responses will give you other options than starting your next workplace guerrilla war.

The only right about being wrong is…admitting you were wrong.

Two rights make a wrong when you are always right about being right.

Hiding behind perfectionism is a frightened ego.

I just could not put it down.  This has to be one of best books written in the past 10 years on the practice of leadership.

The Secret Language of Leadership (How Leaders Inspire Action Through Narrative) by Stephen Denning (Jossey-Bass, ISBN:978-0-7879-8789-3) begins with the contemporary illustration of Al Gore who became, after his defeat in the presidential campaign of 2000, a “transformational leader” in 2008.  What made the difference?  Denning would say, “the story” and “the language.”

This book was given to me by a dear friend at John Deere, Don Gallagher, the Project Training Manager, who gave this book as a gift to all the participants in the Executive Leadership Development Program where I was the featured speaker in January.

If I had to summarize the importance of this book it would be that leaders need to move from this paradigm (define the problem>>analyze the problem>>recommend a solution) to this transformational process (get attention>>stimulate desire>>reinforce with reasons).

Easier said than done.  Denning will challenge you, the leader, to start thinking of a compelling story that has “legs” (long-term influence) in your organization and then craft your words so people follow your vision because it is “enticing.”

This will be one of the best books you have ever read if you want people around you to share your conviction about your organization’s future.

New Free Article

“Rejection and the Leader” is the latest addition to my growing list of free, downloadable articles on my web site.  This one was birthed out of numerous conversations I have had in the past few months with people who have positional power but become mired down in the psychological quicksand of rejection.

Yes, there are some leaders who get giddy when they hear their staff mutter and malign their character, intelligence and members of their family.  But, there are other leaders who go into episodic depression when the “followers” give the message, “over our dead bodies.”  This article will give leaders in this second group new choices.

To access the article, please go to my website at www.execenrichment.com and choose the Downloadable Resources option.  You’ll fill out a short form and be led to the article.

Featured CD of the Month

Skills for Fighting Fair

We will all fight (engage in conflict); how we fight normally comes down to "dirty" and "fair."  Dirty fighting is constantly working at "evening the score" and "walking away the winner."  This CD is a practical set of skills to fight fair that includes two easy-to-remember checklists to emotionally defuse the craziness of anger and then solve the problem with both parties walking away the "winner."  My conclusion is we will all fight, but how we fight always is a choice.

To order a copy of this CD, please go to my website at www.execenrichment.com and choose the Our Products option.  After filling out a short form, you’ll see a list of all the products we currently have available.

Seven-Part Frontline Leadership Development Program

I provide a seven-part program to develop and nurture specific leadership skills for middle to frontline management personnel.  The seven, all-day training modules are separated by approximately a month and then accountability instruments like “e-mail homework” and web casts are implemented to make sure the participants take these specific skills back to their workplaces.

If you would like more information on this program, please reply to this LeMonAide and give me a telephone number where I can personally contact you with more details.

Last week I came close to losing my life…twice.

One location was in a rental car in Orlando, Florida and the second was the exit ramp about a mile from my home.

Neither potential fatal accident would have been my fault.  Both drivers in the other vehicles were preoccupied with vivid conversations using… a hand-held cellular phone.

The world has changed and so must we.

The “license” to talk on a hand-held cell phone while guiding a 3,000 pound automobile through a phalanx of metal and mental unpredictability must be revisited.

It seems to me we need another conversation…a conversation in this society about the flesh-and-blood costs of needing immediate gratification.

Does anyone remember when you stepped out of a car and it was morally and socially acceptable to walk into a place of business or a home and pick up a telephone receiver to check our messages?  We all accepted that if your body was missing from a particular address, life would go on.

With the advent of micro-electronics we now assume information is to be digested at the point when the ringer gets our attention.  We gladly munch on bytes and bits and…the faster the better.

But is “faster and better” always better?

There was a time when we wrapped our world in asbestos, sprayed our trees with DDT and thought smoking cigarettes must be somewhere in the Bill of Rights.  But, because we can create it, does that make “it” good, safe or enriching?

I am a fervent believer in enforcing DWI checkpoints and the obligation of restaurants and bars to refuse serving someone another drink when the person is obviously in an altered state.

According to the Center for Problem-Oriented Policing, 17% of all drivers passing me on the weekend are legally drunk.  Without apology, I defend my right to drive to Walgreens, my daughter’s home or church on a Saturday night without the fear that someone’s preoccupation with a second six pack will snuff out my life.

So why, then, is it acceptable in this society for us to steer a massive SUV with a cell phone cradled between our shoulder and an ear at 65 mph?   Oh, I can hear it now!

Now that you see where I am going, you are wondering if I will next be advocating the removal of all AM-FM radios, CD players, XM radio, the maintenance of nasal passages and the discipline of children under the age of three in automobiles because they may distract the driver.

Some creative LeMonAide readers out there are already formulating the new acronyms:  DUID (Driving under the Influence of Dogs), DWMC (Driving with Marriage Conflict), DWD (Driving While Dreaming) and DWAM (Driving While Applying Mascara).

After dodging the marauding bumpers of cell phone crazed drivers last week, this isn’t funny.  When someone threatens your life because he/she is frantically digging into a back pocket or the unexplored jungles of a purse to reclaim an electronic gadget playing the theme from “Fame,” no one is laughing.

So, what am I suggesting?  Here is the plan.

First, I support legislation that would make it a criminal offense if someone was involved in an injury accident while engaged in a cell phone call or “texting” (the newest verb in America).

Second, I believe all new cars should be equipped with Bluetooth hands-free cell phone communication that includes the ability to verbally dial and end a call.  This platform provides a medium for two-way conversation without the need to lose eye contact with the road and changing conditions around the driver.

Third, I encourage all of us to start saying to family, colleagues and friends, “If I get your call while I am driving, I will not take the call at that time.  I regularly return all my voicemail messages.  When I have to physically take a call on a cell phone, I impair my ability to safely drive.  Thank you for your understanding.”

We simply have to come up with new protocols for our rapidly morphing technology.  I admit it, I drool over the capacity of my Blackberry Pearl to increase my efficiency every day.  The address book alone is worth every dollar I spent for this gnome gadget.  Sitting in an airport and watching, in real time, my connecting flight make its way across the United States to pick me up, is just mind-numbing.

But, I have decided, in spite of the “cool factor,” I will die of and for something else…other than trying to answer the siren call of my Blackberry.

If you have not heard, this has been a brutal cold and flu season.  I will now offer you eight LeMon-proven methods of making sure you do not get sick on the road (there is nothing worse than turning your insides out in a strange bathroom!).

1.       Keep hand sanitizer with you at all times.  You will have to declare this in the security screening but it is worth it.

2.       After using a public restroom, grab an extra paper towel to hold the door handle or knob when leaving.  It does you no good to wash your hands and then slather them with who-knows what germs (Am I sounding like Howard Hughes in his final days?).

3.       Do not loan your cell phone to someone.  Do you really want to get your lips that close to the germ-calling-card of that stranger?

4.       Before you leave on a trip, wipe all the handles of your luggage with Clorox Hand Wipes.  Your hands are not the only ones that touch those handles.

5.       Stay away from “greasy-spoon restaurants.”  Oh, I know, “That is where the really good food can be found in any town.”  Well, can you guarantee the cleanliness behind that counter?  You know, “greasy-spoon” should be enough of a warning.

6.       You have heard it a million times…do not put your hands near your nose, mouth or eyes.  When you have to touch those parts of your anatomy, see #7.

7.       Always carry a small packet of tissues.  If you do need to sneeze or blow your nose, pull one of these puppies out and then dispose of it as soon as possible.

8.       I am a believer in Airborne (you dissolve a tablet in a glass of water). When you get the first hint you are destined for hacking and sneezing your way through this trip, start the regime of once every three to four hours.  I cannot tell you the number of times this health aid has saved the day for me.

Be safe and be healthy!

If you would like to personally meet with me during the month of February, here is my schedule.  Please call 800-373-4040 to set up an appointment.

You tell me, which is correct, “Sandy sings better than me” or “Sandy sings better than I”?

The correct answer is, “than I.”  Here is the reason.  Whenever you use pronouns in a comparative sentence, they will be in the nominative case (does the action) if it is the subject of a stated or understood verb.

Now, stay with me.

There is an easy way to figure this out.  Just complete the sentence in your mind like this, “Sandy sings better than me sing” or “Sandy sings better than I sing.”  You can hear the correct answer.

So the secret of this little grammatical lesson is to always repeat the same verb, in your mind, at the end of the sentence and you will hear the right answer.

Come on, we have all done it.

You know someone is upset about something you just said or did but you are not eager to “get into it” with this person.  So, you reason, “time will heal all wounds.”

Wrong.  The grandiosity of that aphorism is simply false.

I knew she was unhappy with something I said in a presentation.  I “let it go.” Since she was a long-term client I assumed the next few months would wash her memory clean and we would be back on, skipping down Sesame Street together.

She did not call.  Six months later I called her.

It was like it happened yesterday.  She recalled the comment, verbatim, and went on to ask why I had not raised this issue.  I had no excuse.

If you non-verbally read it, talk about it.  The pain of the moment will be better than the years of silence.

The written prayers in this section are Cal’s divine conversations reflecting the needs others have shared with him.

This is so unfair, God.  They told us this probably would never happen.  The bank called.  They are starting the paperwork to take our house.

You know, Lord, I know it is just a house but it is also our home, with comfortable corners, sun-dappled drapes and a tiny backyard with…huge memories.

Our home, God.  The place where we are supposed to be safe and dry and warm and…together.

I don’t want to start over.  The thought of the empty boxes, the sound of the U-Haul truck backing into the driveway and the kids…the kids asking… “Why?”…nauseate me.

This isn’t the way it was supposed to be.

God, I need You to show up before the U-Haul backs up the driveway.