The conversation always ends in…tears.

In your opinion, you work with someone who has never learned how to control his/her emotions and this trail of tears continually leaves emotional breadcrumbs through your workplace.

Tears, in your opinion, are O.K. for the final scene of “Titanic” (with Celine Dion belting out some sappy ballad), the waiting room in an OB ward or a wedding march. 

Well, the first admission we all have to make is emotions, including the potential of tears, do come to work with us.

If you think you can excise anger, jealousy, resentment and joy out of your work day…you need to answer this question, “When you have problems at work, what is normally the cause?”  You will say, “The copy machine breaks down,” “My e-mail in-box has 100 messages” or “The boss is having a bad day.”

Now, which of those circumstances can you fix?  The copy machine and emptying the e-mail in-box are a piece of corporate cake compared to fixing your Simon-like (American Idol) boss.  Changing the attitude of your boss is the tougher assignment because you normally have no control over his/her emotions.

Therefore, if emotions clock in every day with our bodies, we cannot deny them.  Our only choice is to acknowledge their presence and…deal with them.  And, one of the emotional responses is tears.

Here are four suggestions for dealing with weepy people at work.

First, you can hand over a Kleenex and wait.   If you have genuine empathy and want to help, slip the person a handkerchief for the pending cascade.  You just wait for the emotional deluge to break between the two of you.  You listen, console and then move on.  Tears are therapeutic and, for most of us, the advent of this special liquid is a relieving experience.

Second, you can ask, “Would you like a few private minutes right now?”

That question means you are a sensitive, caring person but somewhat uncomfortable providing emotional support. Do not apologize for setting your own emotional fence lines.

Third, you can say, “You obviously feel very deeply about this workplace issue.  I am suggesting we take some time to collect our thoughts and feelings before going any further in our discussion.  Let’s meet back in this conference room at 3:00 p.m. today.”

Notice those words are a respectful way of asking this person to emotionally control himself/herself.  Tears can be genuine and they also are highly manipulative.  If you think you are getting jerked around by the sobbing, call a “time out” with a specific time to continue the conversation.  And, if the next conversation slides into another crying jag, repeat the same statement.  About the third time you meet, this person should be learning emotional control or should be referred to an EAP resource.

Fourth, you can weep with this person.  One of the most comforting moments in my life was when a friend crawled into my hell and shared my despair.

I think this fourth option should be used sparingly and must be genuine. If your motives are not authentic, the two of you should audition for “Days of Our Lives.”

If tears are orchestrated, the resulting sympathy is always off-key.

We came equipped from the factory with a heart, a head and…a handkerchief.

The best method of grief counseling is to be very present and say…nothing.

I am convinced one of the best minds who can accurately define the future is Jeremy Rifkin.

Rifkin is a futurist who works in a Washington, D.C. international consulting firm. In a self-effacing manner, he spills his genius all over the pages of this seminal work, The End of Work (Putnam Books, 1996 ISBN:0-87477-824-7).

Rifkin will introduce you to “The Third Industrial Revolution,” an economy powered by microelectronics.  This discussion is peppered with glimpses into tomorrow that carry chapter titles like “The Great Automation Debate” and “Post-Fordism.”

Since the book was released 11 years ago, I thought I would wait to give my opinion about the efficacy of Rifkin’s thinking.  Read the book today and you will realize he is the soothsayer of the new millennium.  This is a book every decision-maker in your organization should read…over and over again.

New Free Article

If you are part of a workforce that spends a great deal of time moaning and groaning about things over which no one has any control, you may want to download my newest article, The Most Unproductive Moment at Work.  The article begins, “With spittle flying, lips quivering and hands pounding out the cadence of the passion, we wax eloquent about…nothing.”

Interested?  Go to www.execenrichment.com and choose “Downloadable Resources” then click on “Articles.”

By the way, I now offer 20 free articles for you to read or print in your company or organization’s newsletter.  You will find them at the same address above.

One New Opening in Coaching Program

On March 1, I will have one opening available in my distance coaching program.  If you have career dreams but do not have a plan to or accountability to live your dream, I provide one-on-coaching, using the telephone and e-mail, that may be an option for you.  Please respond to this LeMonAide by choosing “Reply” and let me know your interest.  I will personally get back to you to discuss the program and its advantages for your professional and personal future.

Visioning

If your organization needs to move outside tired solutions that are not producing the results you want, you may need to do some visioning.  I provide consulting services with organizations to assist them achieve breakthrough ideas through what I call “safe visioning.”  Call or send me an e-mail if this sounds like a service that will help you and your colleagues.

The euphoria at my local gas station concerns me.  Motorists next to me are just giddy when looking at prices for regular that hover around $2.00 per gallon.  It is time to fill up everything, including the lawnmower!

Here is my prediction.  On the July 4^th weekend we can expect to pay at least 50 cents more per gallon. 

I understand supply and demand and…I also know getting ripped-off when I see it.  The United States has never been serious about energy independence.  Face it, “independence” is an oil pipeline dream!

It is my observation that if you want bipartisan foot-stomping and ear-splitting applause on the floor of Congress just utter the phrase, “We will no longer be held hostage to any oil cartel.”

Now that will get your blood, and oil, pumping.

The problem with energy independence is it will never happen. Cutting ourselves off from oil-producing countries who buy our beef, Pentium chips, Doritos and Boeing 777’s is not a wise economic choice.

No, energy independence is not what we want; energy security is a far more worthy goal.

Security, now that will clear your mind and provide some resolve.  If Abraham Maslow was right, safety is the ground floor need that must be met before we can ever talk about national self-actualization (“our gift to the world is to demonstrate freedom”).

If we siphon-out the bravado of “energy independence” and remind ourselves that we are not physically safe if an oil embargo is implemented by our enemies, then maybe we can actually build a national consensus about reducing our dependence on carbon fuels.

Think about it.  If we have to line up for hours at gas stations to buy $8.00 per gallon gasoline, our economy will shatter, our schools will close, our workplaces will be hollow shells of greatness and we will scream bloody murder with questions like, “How could this happen?”

“Energy independence” is a testosterone-driven crusade.  “Energy security” may jerk our brains into turning off the light when leaving a room, buying a hybrid or lowering the temperature.

“How do you travel without putting on 100 pounds every year?” 

I often hear that question. 

Even though I am not the poster-man of sveltdom, here are my five rules to control my weight (which gets harder with every birthday) when traveling.

First, airports, train stations, hotel restaurants, and every intersection on an interstate highway are carb-hazard-zones in America.  When you walk in to these travel hubs your olfactory nerves will go into smell spasms. If you get a whiff of Auntie Anne’s freshly backed raisin pretzels (make sure you have them drizzle some of the icing over them), Chili’s Southwestern Egg Rolls or T.G.I.Friday’s Blue Cheese Bacon Burger, you are dead, getting-larger-by-the-minute, meat.

When I am confronted with these salacious salivations, I order a salad with ice water and lemon.  Because I will still not be satiated and need some dessert, I will stop a Starbucks and order a decaf Americano.   Hey, that menu may not get your taste buds buzzing, but health is priceless.  

If I do not control my sight and smell enticements while in route, I will arrive bloated, burping and bemoaning the fact that travel made my pants shrink.

Second, I have learned to eat smaller portions of really good food.  Sure, I eat the “native cuisine” but always inquire from my server “how big is this plate?”  Instead of dealing with my guilt of leaving food, I ask the restaurant to bring me less of it.

Third, I try to drink a lot of water.  Water will hydrate your body (which is a problem in any travel) and does curb my appetite.

Fourth, running shoes and a pair of workout shorts accompany me on almost every trip.  Hotels now know how important it is to offer travelers a safe and clean workout area.  And, if you know the neighborhood, power walking or running can be a great way to relieve stress and maintain your weight.

Finally, I take sensible snacks with me.  Keep three or four “power bar” munchies or apples in your suitcase or briefcase at all times.  These crunchables will take “the edge off” your need to ingest a five-course meal because “I may not be back here again in my lifetime.”

If you would like to personally meet with me during the month of February, here is my schedule.  Please call 800-373-4040 to set up an appointment.

This month I have five recommendations on how to effectively use e-mail.

Right now e-mail may be the technological equivalent of the Ebola virus for you.  Those pinging announcements on your computer that you have been the recipient of another electronic tome may have the deleterious effect of nausea and trembling hands.

See if these hints do not help.

First, go through your e-mail in-box and immediately delete all the messages you know are spam, a distribution list that has nothing to do with your job or a solicitation.  You will feel better about opening e-mail if the list has been cleaned up.

Second, when it is possible, answer every e-mail as you read it.  I know, I know…some of these you will have to think about.  Be careful about printing them out because you can build a pile, as big as a Jurassic Park pile, which you will never read.

Third, when you get a “Scud e-mail” (the kind that explode with cutting, sarcastic comments), do not reply.  Either call the cretin who wrote this passive-aggressive attack (do you notice people will say things in an e-mail they would not say to your face) or make an appointment to personally talk with the author.  If you send another Scud back, the whole situation will get out of control and become dysfunctional.

Fourth, even though you have the option, do not use “Blind Copy.”  The intent of this feature is to keep someone from knowing what you have said about another person.  Well, when that “other person” finds out you have chosen to silently skewer him, the gloves will come off.

Finally, do not allow time to make your decisions for you by ignoring time-sensitive e-mails.  The ultimate excuse for being passive is “I have had so much e-mail recently it must have gotten lost.”  It is not lost; you ignored it.

Oh, and there is a sixth rule: always open and pour over the literary delights of LeMonAide!

When at a professional meeting and everyone is wearing a name tag, ask for the correct pronunciation with this statement, “Now help me with the pronunciation of your name.”

I made the horrendous error of warmly greeting “Jesus” as “Jesus,” instead of “hay-soos.”

That, was not a divine encounter.

Headline News keeps blaring about Bird Flu, briefcase nukes and billions squandered.  Places to run and hide are evaporating like fat rain drops on a hot July afternoon.

I want to huddle in some hovel of holiness where the decibels dribble to nothing.  And peace…covers me.

Lord, the booze, Bose headphones and bonus didn't help. 

Prince of Peace, I am not asking for a miracle.  I just am asking that…when You do show up, clear Your throat or something. 

Let me know You are here.