“Have I got a deal for you!”
            Those words may cause you to break out in hives or turn your intestines to ice water.  Are you the “negotiation-challenged” person who seems to be dysfunctional when trying to get a better deal? 
            We have been negatively imprinted when buying a new car, side-by-side refrigerator or house--our worst fear is a salesperson is going to do a number on us and then we will be suckered into the time-honored American tradition, bargaining.
            The goal of bargaining is to walk away the “winner” while leaving your adversary the “loser.”  To accomplish this goal you have to lie, cajole, flatter, kiss babies, kiss-up, lie and then lie at least one more time. 
            I am convinced bargaining has become spectator sport.  As a matter of fact, my wife will no longer accompany me to buy a car because the scene gets so ugly.
         You know the script—you show interest, you are invited into the smallest office on the planet, figures are scribbled upside down, the manager is consulted, the figures are crossed out and new ones take their place, the illusive manager still says, nada and then my favorite part of this passion play when I stand to my feet and say with testosterone surety, “If you don’t agree to my price, you can just watch my Italian rear end walk out that door.” 
            Here is the bad news-- the salesperson never stops me or calls back!
            That is bargaining.  In this jerk-me-around method, crass manipulation and one-sided winning are the rules.  There is always a winner and always a loser and may the Almighty help you if you are the loser.  There is nothing worst than being “taken.”
            There is another option.  This method eliminates the winner-loser syndrome and replaces it with tacit collusion.  Interested?  It is called principle-centered negotiation.
            Four principles govern how this method of negotiation works.

            First, separate the person you are negotiating with from the problem you are trying to solve.  Even though this is first, it is the hardest skill in negotiation.
Whether or not you personally like bald men, women who wear too much makeup, a driver who has a bumper sticker that declares, “I break for Democrats,” a boss who uses post-it-notes for your annual performance review—all of those personal tastes have nothing to do with negotiation.
The key question in this first stage is “Am I working with someone who genuinely wants to solve this problem”?  If the answer is “no,” then negotiation must begin with both of you declaring “good faith” about fixing something that is broken or not working. If the answer is “yes” then move on to the next stage.
Finding a common interest, not pounding the table over a position marks the second level.  Positions cut off discussion and debate.  If one side is saying, “We will never agree to anything less than this…”, then get ready for the other side to respond with, “Well, it will be a cold day in Hades before we ever agree to that!”
What brings the two of you to the same table?  Keep peeling this onion until you can agree to at least one point of commonality.  The common ground may be, “We both want to keep our jobs.” 
If you can begin by agreeing to anything, it will be a lot easier to agree to something.  It may be strictly psychological, but, hey, what’s new!  Beginning with a “yes, yes” makes getting to a final solution much easier.
The third stage comes quickly on the heels of an agreement of shared interests.  In this stage both parties strategize what would constitute a “win” for the other side and then work at creative ways to give the other person what he/she needs. 
This is the tacit collusion.  Both sides of the negotiating table are openly trying to satisfy the other side.  Do you hear the intent here?  In other words, instead of me working diligently not to be “taken” by you, I am using that energy to make sure you walk away with at least part of your needs met.

            The fourth, and final stage, is both parties agreeing to the settlement as a long-term solution with appropriate data.  Never leave a negotiation table with just “good feelings,” “the best of intentions,” or “chills up and down my spine” as the proof of your negotiation pudding.  If this agreement is to survive time, it will need measurable content.
So, do you need to negotiate a raise with your boss, a contract with a vendor, a labor agreement with management or the sale price of that new car?  Stay away from threats or manipulation that ends with the “…you can just watch my butt walk out this door” ultimatum.  Take it from me; no one wins when the door hits you in the posterior!
There is another way.