Count on it, someone will challenge your knowledge, your expertise or your value system tomorrow with a challenging statement.  How you construct your response will often determine your effectiveness in any workplace.
            Below you will find 13 commonly used confrontational statements from a peer or a boss.  You will then find an assertive (adult) response with a short explanation as to why the adult would frame these words using the suggested syntax.
            Verbal Challenge #1:  “We don’t do it that way here.”
            Assertive Response:  “You are right; we don’t do it that way.  What do we have to lose by doing it another way?”
            Explanation:  Notice the response is initially an agreement which removes the target for this to be confrontational.  Then, move to a question which will open up dialogue.
            Verbal Challenge #2:  “You cannot trust anyone here.”
            Assertive Response:  “I have a different view of the people I work with here.”
            Explanation:  This response is a simple statement that the two of you have a different evaluation of peers.  There is no conflict, just a difference in perception.
            Verbal Challenge #3:  “We don’t have time to do it this way.”
            Assertive Response:  “What about this method makes it so time-consuming?  I am convinced this approach will actually save us time once we become familiar with it.”
            Explanation:  Here is a proactive response.  Begin with a question and immediately follow it with a statement of confidence.
            Verbal Challenge #4:  “Nothing ever changes around here.”
            Assertive Response:  “Nothing?  In all the years we have worked here, nothing has changed?”
            Explanation:  This is a response that includes the skill “parroting.”  All you have to do is just repeat the exclusive language (“nothing”) and make it a question.  You are asking the person to engage in “reality testing.”
            Verbal Challenge #5:  “Don’t get in his face; he will have you for lunch.”
            Assertive Response:  “This issue is so important to me, I am willing to take the risk of retaliation.  Thanks for your warning.”
            Explanation:  If you believe the other person was exaggerating, state your willingness to deal with a worse-case scenario and then thank the person for caring about you.  Just move on.
            Verbal Challenge: #6:  “Whatever”
            Assertive Response:  “I am not sure what that response actually means.  Could you give me more information?”
            Explanation:  There are some contemporary words which scream, “I am disengaged.”  “Whatever” is one of those words.  Never allow the word to stand on its own; the word must be defined. 

            Verbal Challenge #7:  “Sorry, that’s not my job.”
Assertive Response:  “That may be a true statement.  And, I need your help right now.  Sometimes, in order to get the work out the door, we have to assist each other.  This is one of those times when I am asking for your help.”
Explanation:  Refuse to argue about who is expected to do this job.  Move the conversation to issues of collaboration and respect.
Verbal Challenge #8:  “You don’t know what you are doing.”
Assertive Response:  “What are you seeing or hearing that makes you believe I do not know what I am doing?”
Explanation:  It is essential that you move from glib generalities to specifics in this conversation.  Strip away the layers of avoidance that are laced in this challenge.  Continue to ask, “I still do not understand….”
Verbal Challenge #9:  “This workplace is just hopeless”
Assertive Response:  “Really?  Hopeless is a strong word.  It sounds like you feel strongly that the future holds no promise.  What is keeps you coming back every day?”
Explanation:  Qualify the choice of language and then issue a thought-provoking challenge.  In other words, if “hopeless” communicates despair, what is attractive about despair?