It works like this:  you are having a nice, predictable life when someone or something suddenly blows through your placid, calm world with blistering gusts of pain, disappointment and despair.  You feel like you are getting tossed around like a discarded Cabernet cork in a sudden summer thunderstorm just off the coast of Atlantic City.
All you want right now is just to slow down this madness.
You need a sea anchor.
If you are not familiar with sailing jargon, a “sea anchor” is a large piece of canvas sail, attached to the ship with rope at all four corners often thrown overboard in a heavy gale.  The sail, which will look like an inflated parachute in the water,  immediately slows down the vessel and provides limited control in howling wind and angry waves.
Have you ever felt your life was caught up in the vortex of a perfect storm?  Losses have been significant at home and the rules keep changing at work.  All the people and systems you thought were “predictable” have crashed on the rocks of “market realities” and best intentions.  Chicken Little, in your opinion, will soon make an appearance.
I am convinced “the best laid plans” of any human being are subject to the vagaries of an imperfect world.  You know, stuff happens!
When “stuff happens,” it is time to kick in a sequential plan on how to wrestle control out of chaos by skillfully tossing out a sea anchor.  The plan may work like this.
First, get a piece of paper and divide it into two columns with a vertical line down the middle of the page.  At the top of the left column right, “What I Cannot Control” and on the right side pen, “What I Can Control.” 
For instance, if you just concluded a conversation with your physician which concluded with a notification you have a life-threatening disease, that news goes on the left side of the page.  Now, you have a choice.
What can you control about your life-threatening disease?  You can control your attitude, decisions about future treatment options and how and when you will inform those who love you about this new challenge.
Notice, you have choices.  You may not be able to determine the outcome of this chaos, but you can throw out a sea anchor and still control the process.
Second, initiate or reconnect with Someone larger than your chaos.
I am sensitive to prescribing “brands” of spirituality, but never the necessity of spirituality.
There have been so many times in my life when I reached beyond myself because I just did not have the strength and wisdom to handle the chaos that exploded around me.  The pain was so intense and the maze of decisions so confusing, I quickly learned to bend a knee.
This sea anchor is a very personal choice, but profound in its effects.

Third, step back.
You have, undoubtedly, heard, “O.K., let’s all step back and just take a breath here.”  Not bad advice.
Our emotions can easily hijack our brains and then we say and do things we later regret.  Specifically, I am recommending at least 48 hours of thought between the chaotic event and your response.  If you take that option you will discover reason can rule.
Finally, when you cannot even find the sea anchor, admit it and find a friend. 
There are people in my life I trust to say the right words and see the right things I often miss.
Watch how restorative it is to identify another human being who can backfill the strength and wisdom you know you do not have in chaos.  These familiar people do not preach, scold or “fix.”  Rather, a confidant is someone with whom you can become vulnerable and never have to apologize for being sea sick when the wind and waves start pounding over you.
Count on it.  The calm seas lapping gently at the shoreline of your life will turn into a torrid gale.  You have choices.  Don’t forget the sea anchor!